As part of this project, I needed to get a grip on my finances.
Of course, that meant digging up all of those bills I've been shoving into a drawer (or throwing out).
It also meant looking at my credit score (yikes!).
I still have yet to get my credit report, but before I can undo any of the damage I've done, we have a HUGE expense coming up, that derails all of our efforts to invest and save and do the other things we had been trying to do so well.
There's nothing like a financial emergency to break up your good karma.
So here I am, suddenly feeling the responsibility I've been trying to hide from, but I'm not in a position to make it better. Or, at least, that's what I thought.
It's amazing how creative you get when you let recrimination go. Yes, I've screwed up and lowered my credit score. Divorces and custody battles will do that. But I can pay things off one by one. I can make deals with creditors, and pay off part of an overdue balance every month. I actually can improve my score by paying my bills on time, and putting notes on my credit history about the divorce process and how long it took.
Finance blows sometimes, but the best thing to do is get it off your back.
Face it, Fight it, WIN.
This is what I'm learning to do, purchase by purchase.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Dreaming the Dream
Yesterday was Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech's 50th Anniversary. Although it saddens me to acknowledge that we have not achieved his dream, it also inspires me to dream my own dreams. I have dreams of being happy, of making a living doing things I love, of not letting my past and the abuse others rained down on me reign in my dreams.
I don't want equality for a whole group, just myself. And while my rights have not been taken away by another group, my belief in my rights was taken away piece by piece.
In grade school, we had an exercise once a year called "LILAC", which stood for "Look, I'm Lovable and Capable". We'd make these signs and hang them around our neck for the day.
When someone made you feel bad, you tore a piece of your sign off. When someone made you feel good, you put a piece back on.
There was one girl who was left with nothing but nubs on the ends of her string. To this day, I will never forget that girl or her LILAC sign. And while, in this particular story, that girl wasn't me, she was me in the larger story of my life. People were like piranhas to me: they picked and bit and excised pieces of me and who I believed I was until there was nothing left.
So, on this Anniversary of the "I Have a Dream" speech, which encourages--no, demands--action until we have the same opportunities as others, and demands that we stand up for one another when someone's Constitutional rights are being violated, and that we change the system that allowed this to happen in the first place, I launched a new blog, called The Revolution Starts Now: Buck the American Dream.
Why? Because I have to fight. I have to make a difference. I'm not going to achieve much in the way of Eudaimonia if I don't start fighting for what's right, and there isn't much left that's right in our world.
I have a dream that I and others will achieve a lasting sort of peace that comes with being happy with ourselves and our accomplishments. That feels well-earned pride, but knows humility as well. I have a dream that we can make Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream a reality if we all do the right thing.
That might be respecting others, helping single mothers, being good role models, or just not popping the locks when we see a Black man on the corner. We have to stop living this way we've been living: this raping the world and bullying one another and putting our happiness into things.
I don't want equality for a whole group, just myself. And while my rights have not been taken away by another group, my belief in my rights was taken away piece by piece.
In grade school, we had an exercise once a year called "LILAC", which stood for "Look, I'm Lovable and Capable". We'd make these signs and hang them around our neck for the day.
There was one girl who was left with nothing but nubs on the ends of her string. To this day, I will never forget that girl or her LILAC sign. And while, in this particular story, that girl wasn't me, she was me in the larger story of my life. People were like piranhas to me: they picked and bit and excised pieces of me and who I believed I was until there was nothing left.
So, on this Anniversary of the "I Have a Dream" speech, which encourages--no, demands--action until we have the same opportunities as others, and demands that we stand up for one another when someone's Constitutional rights are being violated, and that we change the system that allowed this to happen in the first place, I launched a new blog, called The Revolution Starts Now: Buck the American Dream.
Why? Because I have to fight. I have to make a difference. I'm not going to achieve much in the way of Eudaimonia if I don't start fighting for what's right, and there isn't much left that's right in our world.
I have a dream that I and others will achieve a lasting sort of peace that comes with being happy with ourselves and our accomplishments. That feels well-earned pride, but knows humility as well. I have a dream that we can make Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream a reality if we all do the right thing.
That might be respecting others, helping single mothers, being good role models, or just not popping the locks when we see a Black man on the corner. We have to stop living this way we've been living: this raping the world and bullying one another and putting our happiness into things.
Monday, August 5, 2013
On Broken Promises and Re-Commitment
We just got back last night from driving the children more than halfway across the country to drop them off at Dad's for their visit. I have learned some very important lessons:
1) We need to fly them from now on.
2) "Bad" food isn't good; but it is addictive.
3) Pizza puts 3 inches around my waist, no matter how "in control" I stay.
4) Sleep is critical to life-changing transformations.
There's really no way to travel and not break promises to myself. I "let myself off the hook" for the trip, but I was promising myself I'd behave better than I did. I promised myself it was just for the two days of intense travelling. But it's not.
I'm spending today and tomorrow recovering; easing back into my dietary goals, easing back into my exercise goals. But coming back also brings into focus those changes I haven't started making yet, but need to: the financial goals.
I guess it's not fair to say that I haven't started working on these goals. I have. I have been tracking expenses like an anal-yst and am about to analyze July's expenditures. I will evaluate how I feel about these categories of spending. I have been budgeting, also, and planning the purchases I intend to make.
But upon arriving back home, I find I need to look into the acquiring of more money to pay down previous debts and clear up my credit history (and my husband's). While my husband will be working massive overtime, I--who have no overtime--will look at other ways. We are ready to pursue the other parts of our dream: buying land and eventually moving onto it.
It's a scary step, but a good one. This is why we're working, after all. To live. To make our dreams come true.
So, looking forward to the future, as full as it may be of work and planning, I re-commit myself to my goal: to live peacefully and harmoniously, enjoying the process, and working toward my goals.
1) We need to fly them from now on.
2) "Bad" food isn't good; but it is addictive.
3) Pizza puts 3 inches around my waist, no matter how "in control" I stay.
4) Sleep is critical to life-changing transformations.
There's really no way to travel and not break promises to myself. I "let myself off the hook" for the trip, but I was promising myself I'd behave better than I did. I promised myself it was just for the two days of intense travelling. But it's not.
I'm spending today and tomorrow recovering; easing back into my dietary goals, easing back into my exercise goals. But coming back also brings into focus those changes I haven't started making yet, but need to: the financial goals.
I guess it's not fair to say that I haven't started working on these goals. I have. I have been tracking expenses like an anal-yst and am about to analyze July's expenditures. I will evaluate how I feel about these categories of spending. I have been budgeting, also, and planning the purchases I intend to make.
But upon arriving back home, I find I need to look into the acquiring of more money to pay down previous debts and clear up my credit history (and my husband's). While my husband will be working massive overtime, I--who have no overtime--will look at other ways. We are ready to pursue the other parts of our dream: buying land and eventually moving onto it.
It's a scary step, but a good one. This is why we're working, after all. To live. To make our dreams come true.
So, looking forward to the future, as full as it may be of work and planning, I re-commit myself to my goal: to live peacefully and harmoniously, enjoying the process, and working toward my goals.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)